Low Resolution Pictures of the (Fruits) of My Most Recent Labor

Dr. Edward’s Eyeball Cake

Hannah’s Hello Kitty Birthday Cake

Sophisticated Ladies Under Tremendous Stress

Rachel’s Halloween Cake

Sara’s Wedding Cake

You had better not say another goddamn word to me for as long as you live. So much as a peep from you may force me to dislodge my jaw, swallow your whole head and then bite it off. I really, really…really can’t think of anyone I have less use for at this moment–not even […]

Oh shoes, pretty shoes
pointy and to the point
if I had been wearing you the other day
I may not have had to pee on my hand
Stupid, stupid drug screens
They would have seen you and your awesomeness
and said
damn
such cool shoes must indicate
a trustable, awesome-shoe wearing lady
you can go home
but you, shoes, are missing
I was drunk
I think I […]

This is my daily horoscope 10/24:
Well, you’ve done it again — you’ve managed to have yet another moment that other people would classify as falling firmly in the ‘once in a lifetime’ category. Your net worth (and self-worth) are on the rise.
A secret retains its power only if it remains a secret. Even though you’re […]