-My leg is so jacked up. I hate it. I also hate that lady with the Dodge; I hope she gets hit in the face with a torpedoing Korbel cork.
-I am po’ the way only a white American person can be poor, in the limbo that evades homelessness but likewise never, ever vacations anywhere but […]

Toledo Police Seek “Five Fat Girls” Accused of Stealing Gallon of Milk
Oh. My. God.
That is the funniest thing ever.

To answer any questions that may arise:
-No, absolutely not that. Ew. You pray with that mind? Jesus!
-New job.
-Sadly, no
-Atlanta.
-Not sure.
-Maybe.
-Kind of.
-Okay.
-Whatever.
-It’s possible.
-The 15th.
-No clue.
-Well, duh.
-Still no excuse.
-Can’t wait.
-Will do.
-Magic!
-Ooh! Ooh! Can I?
-Lord Help Me
-No, I don’t think so.
-Only until they realize what a terrible mistake they’ve made.
-Yes, of course.
-Will do.
*swoon*

My nephew is retarded.
I sincerely doubt any animals were actually harmed in the video linked above aside from the auditory discomfort associated with experiencing firsthand my sister’s firstborn’s extremely girly squeal.

My Entirely Frivolous Christmas Wishlist
Sur La Table Crème Brulée Set
Ecosphere®
Viktor & Rolf Flowerbomb
This overpriced decorative birdcage.
Buddha Board
Emerald Peony Quilt from Urban Outfitters
Pier 1 Star Mirror
A seat on Operation Titanic
MAYA DOLL Kanzashi
Pointy-toed faux snakeskin flats from Old Navy
Knife set that didn’t come free with an order from Omaha Steaks
Bare Escentuals Lounge Eye Kit
Dooney […]