Updated October 14, 2006
I really, really hate “city shorts.”
The same people bitching that foreign children are being adopted while American children rot in the foster care system are the same ones who fail to recognize that it takes approximately twenty nine thousand years to adopt a child in the States whereas you can practically buy them like melons in countries where crunchy rice is considered some good grub.
Madonna is old.
Scientologists scare the crap out of me.
Grown women should not wear jumpers.
Great physiques are wasted on total dumbasses.
Honey in your eye BURNS. It burns bad.
It would be wise, should you find yourself stuck in the Atlanta Hartsfield Airport for seven hours, to just ask the nearest security guard to take his gun and shoot you in the head like Old Yeller.
Cheesecake does not now, has never, and will not ever contain Jello pudding.
There was a reason the 1980s passed by in a blur of cocaine and hairspray for many people; it was because it was a horrific time economically, politically and artistically and should not be revived. Anyone who thinks otherwise should be institutionalized.
People do not know how to keep their asses at work. Jesus.
I worry too much.
Dollar Margarita Night is a rip-off, but at least it’s more fun than giving your money to panhandling homeless people.